Walking down the street, holding someone's hand. Whose hand? How did I get here?
I look over to the person I seem so close to, and recognize them. How could I not? He is the person I thought about everyday, for every hour, and every second. I blush as he looks at me, and smile. I squeezed his hand, and my thumb strokes his, almost as if I am checking if he is actually real.
I cant remember anything before the moment, I dont care though. As we cross the street together, hand-in-hand, I dont care about a thing. He leads me into a small bakery, his arm now around my waist, as my face grows warmer. I can literally feel the heat coming off of my bright red face now. He looks down at me and asks, "What do you want, sweetie?" Looking up for the first time, I stare at the menu, ordering a boba tea and some cream puffs, smiling up at him as he pays for me.
As we wait for our order, I stay by his side. He has his arm around my shoulder, while he leans down to kiss my forehead.
I can't remember the last time I felt like this.
To not worry about anything, or anyone else.
To know that the one I love, loves me right back.
To feel stable, and sane for once.
Our order is done, interrupting my train of thought.
He takes me by the hand and leads me out to the little tables set outside the bakery. He scoots his chair closer to mine, as I share my cream puffs with him.
Laughing and talking, I felt happiness for once. True happiness.
After years of depression, this was an odd feeling.
I couldn't love it more though.
We were just talking when my vision started to blur. I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times as I giggled at something he had just said. Everything was still blurry, and seemed darker. He rested his head on my head, as I rested my head on his shoulder, still attempting to adjust my vision.
It wasn't working, it kept getting darker and blurry.
I turned to look up at him, and he looked down at me.
More darkness, more blurry.
We glanced at each other's lips
Darker, more blurry.
We moved in closer.
We were about to kiss.
Complete darkness, then all of a sudden pure bright light hit my face.
I looked around, my hands grasped some cloth beneath my fingers. I looked around.
Did I fall asleep with him? Did he take me home? I wonder as I look at the walls of my room, and feel my bed spread under my fingertips.
Where did he go?
I look at my clock, seeing it's 11:36 in the morning.
How long was I out?
I rub my eyes to clear my vision.
Rub my eyes to clear my vision.
It all comes rushing back.
The date, the perfect boy, the happiness, the fact that someone finally loved me
Tears started rolling down my cheek as I realized it wasn't real.
It was just a dream, and I had awoken to my reality.
My reality where I dont date the perfect boy who makes me happy and loves me.
The reality where here I sit, alone, in my bed, crying.
I am shaking, and quivering now. Knees to my face, as I try to muffle my hiccups and sobs.
I squeeze my eyes shut, whimpering with pain, as my grip on my sheets tightens.